Friday, January 29, 2010

Feisty Beech Drove Me Crazy

When I was driving to work on the LDP this morning, the "iconic" highway was clogged with cars and cars as usual. Although I still grumble about paying toll for getting stuck in the routine jam like all pathetic LDP users, I was nonetheless numb to it already.











Almost everyday went by uneventful until this morning. As usual, there was a long line of cars queueing upon reaching the Touch & Go toll. In fact, there were several lines of cars trying to maneuver to go through each toll booth. I was waiting for my turn as cars interweave each other one by one which is an accepted road ethics (if you drive frequently on KL highways) because there were simply no clear demarcation lines at the toll to separate the vehicles or which line is for which toll booth. That's the damn reason all cars converge at the same point resulting in a bottleneck.




When my turn came, a dark blue Kancil accelerated and tried to overtake me on the left. A furious lady was ready to pounce on me. Heck! We were in a bumper by bumper jam! I mean there was nothing for her to look forward to after cutting in to my line. At first, I would have let her pass, no big deal. I'm an advocate of "ladies first" and maybe she was really in a hurry or for whatever reasons. I mean, there is no need and it's not nice to fight with a lady over such trivial matters. That is until she honked and kept pushing me away from the toll booth.




My usually sense of rational reasoning was overruled by sizzling blood shooting up my brains! I moved away and looked at her with my vulture eyes as we laid side by side. Then she turned her steering and inched closer until our side mirrors almost kissed and honked again! What a bloody beech! Believe me at that boiling moment, you wouldn't admire her strong guts.




I couldn't let her bully me like a useless wimper. Pride was at stake.




I retaliated by accelerating forward using whatever damn space was still available and managed to break away from the lunatic. But she wouldn't back down and similarly, forcefully speed forward and moved closer to push me off my tracks.







Our side mirrors clashed but I had reach a point of no return. I kept my feet firmly on the gas pedal as I hear my side mirror crankling. Ouch! Finally, she relented but not without honking me again! Urghh.. this wacko beech is a loose canon!




Both of us did not bother to stop, she was cursing madly me while tailgating me really close when I looked at my rear mirror. For the first in my time, I have never seen such a freaking crazy woman on the road. I mean, no discrimination to all the nice ladies driving out there, but this is one stubbornly insane woman without any sense of safety... and logic. It was as if she was on the last leg of F1 and must win at all cost.



After I cleared the toll, she still kept chasing me from behind and I thought she was going to rear end my Toyota. While she was overtaking me on the left, she honked once more and mumbled what seemed like obscenities. Of course, I duly responded by showing a not-so-kind gesture.

What an "interesting" morning!




P/S: To the looney beech in the dark blue Kancil, you are one fooking crazy woman!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

FHM Feb Cover: Hannah Tan!!!


FHM Feb issue is out... and yes! Hannah Tan is gracing its cover!

I have lost count how many times I had gladly seen Hannah Tan on FHM. Well that because I could never see enough of her. She's one my most favourite local celebrity (and is on her way to international stardom). I wouldn't mind even if she's on the cover every month (yeah I am biased, so what?!) but of course the wacky guys in FHM have to do justice to the best selling magazine in Asia!

Wonder how Hannah looks after venturing to Japan?

And Dr. Jezamine Lim, no she's not in the health section, you nimbo. She's the hot FHM Girl Next Door 2009 and a qualified doctor!


Watch out for wet and racy pictures of FHM Girl Next Door 2010 photoshoot..

Get your Feb issue fast!

Meanwhile... I'm enjoying mine..





Thursday, January 21, 2010

FHM Photoshoot for Dec 2009 Issue

FHM sent the photos to me last month but I was drop dead busy travelling (for work) since late last year to write about it. I'm still shuttling between cities but the rocket charged momentum has slowed down a little and I could take a breather. So when FHM contacted me for a photoshoot and interview, it felt like Dubai Burj standing on a barren Taliban dessert.

These pics are for your eyes. What do you think eh?



This one is among the first few shots. I was holding Jay Menon... ahem.. autographed issue. I looked kind of rugged and messed up huh?


In the midst of the shoot, I was stunned by the appearance of FHM GND 2009, sizzling hot Jezamine Lim. And she's one hot doctor. Anyway, she's just practising natural healing techniques on me... (Hmm.. I heard the new FHM GND 2010 is an interior designer huh?)

This last pose took the longest as the whole collection had to be laid out wide and I had to find my spot. Then the photographer had to get the lighting and angle right. I couldn't recall how long it was but by the time is was over, my legs were in acute shortage of blood supply!!

After that, I had to lug my whole collection back... and I couldn't believe I was smiling sheepishly all the way home. Obviously, my addiction to FHM has worsened, for good :)

* Thanks again to Simon, Eugene and Joe for the great photos and interview!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Yvonne Sim a.k.a FHM Girl Next Door 2010

I have just returned to KL recently after being away for a week for my business trip and I missed one of the biggest FHM events of the year. Yes, one of the biggest.. and I was f... ok ok don't rub it in anymore.

In case you are living on another planet, the new FHM GND of 2010 is... Yvonne Sim!

"Congratulations Yvonne! You definitely deserve to be GND!"

Picture by FHM





Picture by FHM


Of course you blokes are salivating over Yvonne, please get hold of yourselves but I truly understand your deep interest. Mee too ;)

I'm not bragging here but I have spotted her star potential much earlier on when the GND 2010 contest began last year. I had personally vouched for her here and do you guys still remember our demure Yvonne as below?





Many of my (guy) friends are asking when will FHM feature Yvonne. Some of the questions posed by these perverts are as below.

1. What's her phone number?
2. Where is she from and where does she live?
3. Does she has a boyfriend?
4. What kind of guy is she attracted to?
5. What does she wear when she...?

Hey! Do look like I don't have a clue?! I'm not calling the shots at the most enviable place to work (I hate those darn lucky bastards!) but I think it's pretty soon. I have also heard they are going to feature my favourite local girl... Hannah Tan :) in the next FHM Feb issue.

Yo Simon! Can you do me a favour and help answer these perverts?? They are star strucked by Yvonne!!



Hannah Tan

Thursday, January 7, 2010

TEnsed tENsed TenSED teNSed tensED



Tension

Tension

Tension

Tension

Tension

TENSION!!!

.

.

.

Monday, January 4, 2010

First Day

DARREN!!! Time to get up!!





Darren!!! Time to get up!!

I was awaken from my deep slumber by a high pitched voice piercing into my candy dream. Usually, I needed to be shaken at least several times to get my ass of my bed. But it was a special day and I was really excited. It was my first day going to a primary school.

After my favourite scrambled eggs and french toast for breakfast, I changed into my white and blue school uniform. Mother gelled and combed my hair so neatly that I thought that even Typhoon Suzy wouldn't lift a strand of hair.

"You looked very smart today boy, be good at school okay?" my mom reminded me.

I put on my shiny white shoes and mom gave me a quick lesson on tying the shoe laces. She Then I climbed on to the back of my mom's bicycle and off we went to my new school under the dark sky.




As the sky brightened and upon reaching, I saw many children at the school gates. All of them were boys. Some refused to get off their cars and some were crying profusedly. Many parents were accompanying their kids into the school compound. We were greeted by a teacher as we entered into the school compound. After they verified my particulars, I was told to wait at a designated spot.




"Listen to the teachers, there's a bread in your backpack and wait for me at the gates after school. Don't wander off with strangers, understand? Will you cry?" mom asked me.





"No, I am fine. You go work." I mumbled.





"Okay be good and take care." she reminded me again.




Mom bade farewell as I watched her cycling away until she stopped at a distance. She turned around and wave to me again to stand near the teacher. I obeyed and she continued her journey to work.




I was alone now. There were two kids standing near to me which I recognised who were from my village. We exchanged smiles and stayed close to each other. Suddenly, one kid cried very loudly as his parents left him with the teacher. He ran towards his parents but was restrained by the teacher. His mother hesitated and wanted to return but was stopped by her husband. Then they quickly turned away and went off.




That kid didn't stop crying and infact, he even cried louder when he could not see his parents. The teacher took him to a quieter spot to pacify him. Well, this cry baby set off a chain of reactions and many others started to cry. I was baffled and couldn't understand why such a commotion on first day of school. Then one of my newfound village friend begun to weep silently at a corner. The other friend and I comforted him and told him it's for only half a day without having actually grasp the sense of time.




The teachers huddled all of us to the school field and began to divide us according to different classes. I was put into Class 1H. After reaching the classroom, the teacher ramdomly assigned our seatings. The taller of them sat at the back while the shorter ones were in front. I sat in the middle with four desks grouped together. As the teacher were calling our names again to make sure all were in, I looked out the classroom windows and saw many faces of anxious parents peering into the classrom. It was really noisy with kids chattering, crying, chairs rocking and parents talking to their children.




The class teacher introduced herself but I couldn't remember her name. She begun to brief us but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I didn't bothered and my eyes begun to wander around the class looking at the antics of other boys. Then the teacher stepped out of the classroom and asked the parents not to talk to their kids and to stand slighly further away.

Suddenly, a few kids shouted to the teacher to go to them. A kid has peed in his shorts perhaps due to unbearable fear. Actually, the stench was unbearable and everyone pinched their nose. Not long, a lady came in with a mop and a pail of water to clean the mess.




Before I could make sense of my surroundings, the bell rang. I saw many other children running out of their classrooms to the canteen. The teacher explained it was recess time and we must return when the bell rang again. As I was walking out of the classroom, the parents rushed in to hug their weeping kids. I sat at a bench followed by one my village friend who was assigned to the same class as mine. I opened my backpack and ate the peanut butter bread.



When I finished, I wandered to the corridor of my class and saw several of my classmates. We sat together in a circle and started to "intro" ourselves. As we chatted happily, one of them called Phillip begun to mock me, knowing that I came to school from a village on a bicycle. I tried to ignore him but he kept irritating me. One thing led to another, we were kicking each other while still sitting.




Somehow, I accidently kicked him in the face. Oh uh, my mom's reminder suddenly came back to haunt me. Unlucky mistake.




I could still remember his vicious screams. His face was red and his lips begun bleeding. The other kids who witnessed the altercation was horrified and moved away from me. The bell rang and the teacher returned. She was stunned on seeing the boy crying and bleeding. All fingers were pointed at me when she queried the kids. She scolded me and kept asking why I had hurt Phillip. I remained silent and refused to explain. I was very scared but I did not cry.




Actually, Phillip was sitting in the same group of desks with me. Due to the incident, I was isolated when we returned to class. In a short moment, his mother came in after knowing what happened to her son. She was our English teacher.




When the school bell rang at the end of the class, all the students rushed out to be greeted by their parents. I looked at them with envy because my mom had to work and was unable to pick me up on time. I looked out again and saw Phillip standing outside with his mother waiting for me. Without a choice, I walked out and they confronted me. Phillip's mother was very fierce and berated me. I felt like crying but I held back my tears. They left after the scoldings and I went to wait for my mom under a big tree at the school gates. I guessed my teacher must have noticed me and she walked towards me. At the same time my mom arrived on her bicycle.




The teacher greeted my mom and they talked about my fighting incident. After a while, the teacher left and mom turned to looked at me angrily. I looked away sheepishly but she did not utter a word. I climbed to the back of her bicycle and embraced her under the hot sunny day. When we reached home, she took out the mighty cane. Before I could explain myself, she unleashed the cane on me. I cried in anger.




When she finished teaching me a lesson, she asked why I had not listened to her to be a good boy and kicked a boy in school. After I explained everything to her..



"Why didn't you tell me earlier when we reached home?" she exclaimed.




Ah... my "exciting" first day at school.

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